Less Human. More Being.

I want to feel the wind in my hair,
the cold air,
stealing the feeling from my fingers,
pinching at my nose,
stinging my eyes.

I want to stand in the silence of nowhere,
and look at the endless nothingness,
and run to the horizon,
only to find the great expanse of nothingness continuing,
into the distance
and beyond.

I want to hear the rustling of the grass,
the whistling of the wind,
the cracking of twigs,
under the feet of the millions of living creatures,
who I cannot see,
but who I know are there.

I want to know that if I cry out,
no one will hear me.
The wind will steal my words
and no one will see me smiling to myself.


Just me.

Just there.



I want to BE. Nothing more.

The moonlight

The moonlight is casting shadows,
Long and dark, they stretch across the cobbles
scraping at my legs as I run along.
They grasp at my heels as I kick up the grit,
and lean out infront of me like obstacles on a shooting range.

No matter how fast I run
or how much I focus on those patches of light,
those shadows catch up with me
and try to pull me back.

I fight the urge to run home
to run back to what I know, what I am.
I'm trying, so hard, to stay away from it all
to keep out of the shadows
..to stay in the light.

But if you are in the shadows,
watching...
waiting...
...for me to stumble,
to turn my head,
to look in you direction,
then wait you can.

As I will keep on running,
into the light,
until the sun rises, and your shadows vanish,
and you leave me in my meadow of joy.

If you want, follow me into the sunshine,
but don't hide in the depths,
I will not seek you out,
I will turn my head and keep on walking,
no matter how much it hurts.

Come into the sunshine.

Together we can dance.

we can talk...


...we can be.

We all need some 'sole'

How often do we notice the bottom of our feet?

We walk upon them every day
they carry us to our destination,
keep us going through bad weather,
ground us in moments of insanity.

We don't notice how dirty our feet get,
however we don't notice when they are clean either.
But we realise when they have to walk through crap.

I could never tell you what the bottom of my feet look like
because I never look,
but I know that without my soles....


I would be nowhere.

Eat Me

Lust...its one of those things you can't avoid.
It's not love
love is something more, something different..
I think...
I don't know what love is

...not really.

Lust however...
thats another thing.
and its worse, worse than love
I guess its sometimes the same as unrequited love
the worst love of them all.

I always imagine my lust will turn into love
but it worries me that then it will just be...
...unrequited love.
I'll end up wanting you so much, that I'll feel like I need you
and then I'll think that I'm in love with you...
but for you, it will just be lust
and that feeling will pass, like a flurry of snow.
and its beautiful while it lasts,
but then it melts, and you're left with the dirty remains,
in small piles,
across the vast space in your mind,

...and it refuses to go away.

I am a thinker, I will not deny it.
and I think about you SO much...
and maybe, just maybe you think about me in the same way

But can we keep it up for 5 months?



I hope so.

Beautiful Chaos

Its pureness is something that cannot be denied.
and its brightness can bring light to a darkened landscape.
and the silence...
The silence is beautiful.

Its presence muffles every sound and movement,
and no matter how alone you are,
it gives you a strange sense of comfort and safety
because in it, everyone is on the same level.

Notebook me

It gets me everytime,
the beauty of the relationship,
the happiness,
the true love and compassion

....and the fact that she forgets.

The reassuring fact that love will find us all, that we will one day be reunited with that long lost love, that person. 'The One'. The fact is torn from us. We forget, one day , we will forget it all, like it never happened, it never existed. And we have to go through our lives, every so often being reminded of this fact, the fact that, yes...it will all be for nothing. One day everything we have done will cease to exist. That day, the day we forget, is the end.....of everything.

It makes me think of my family, my grandparents. If I could go back in time, I would show them that it wasn't for nothing and, whatever happened, they ended up together. I want them to see me and smile, and know it all happened for a reason.

When I am old, and I forget, I want someone to remind me. Not anyone, I want 'that someone' to sit beside me and hold my hand, and make me remember, and smile, and laugh. Because then I will know it was worth it, and I can look back with no regret.

I want to feel the happiness well up inside me, I want to do something worthwhile, I want to be remembered....and be worth remembering.


It kind of puts it all in perspective doesn't it?

You have: One New message.

I love hearing from you
it makes my day
only a few sentences exchanged
a few smiles at a keyboard as I reply
nothing more.

Are you smiling as you type?
laughing at my stressy replies
my funny outlooks...
or are you just replying
not paying attention
Im a non-event in your day.

I don't know.

I care, I want to know more,
I want you to tell me all about you.

I think Im too open...
maybe its off-putting, maybe its too much.
Why keep things from people you trust
from people you want to become fixtures in your life?

I want you to become a fixture,
a constant,
a rock.

Don't be a stranger,
ever.

Maybe in our busy lives we can find time to talk again.
I look forward to it.
And I will smile when it does.