tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41186230082728011122024-02-20T17:41:59.255-08:00Never Ending SunsetMcNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-66763815905992886182011-06-20T12:55:00.001-07:002011-06-20T12:56:58.090-07:00Reality Check.<a href="http://http://www.channel4.com/programmes/dispatches/episode-guide/series-95/episode-1">http://www.channel4.com/programmes/dispatches/episode-guide/series-95/episode-1</a>McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-1603256130968334732011-06-05T09:27:00.001-07:002011-06-05T09:27:44.471-07:00To my brother.......twat.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-81450701820828492372011-04-03T13:44:00.000-07:002011-04-04T09:12:33.159-07:00Between a Rock and a Hard PlaceI thought I'd moved on from this<br />got over the hill of longing<br />and was skipping down the face of carefree enjoyment<br />turns out I'm in a rolling valley<br /><br />and the cliff of longing has presented itself infront of me again.<br /><br />I don't know if I can bring myself to climb again,<br />I don't think I have the strength.<br /><br />Maybe I should turn, and walk down through the valley of life,<br />forget about the perilous climb,<br />the adrenaline rush as I reach heights I have never climbed to,<br />the views I could enjoy,<br />the small things I could discover in the cracks and crevices of his life,<br />its tempting.....McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-41938043544886077032011-03-18T13:29:00.000-07:002011-03-18T13:36:27.177-07:00I remembered...I thought I hadn't forgotten.Your voice is so soft,<br />it soothes me.<br /><br />It makes me smile, long after you've stopped speaking.<br /><br />Your eyes are so warm,<br />your look so intense,<br />I feel stripped of any falseness,<br />its just me, you...and thats it.<br /><br />I can't believe how you make me feel,<br />I can't think when we talk,<br />all I have in my head is you,<br />and the rest turns to....you.<br /><br />I forgot how much I liked your voice.<br />I forgot how dark your eyes were.<br />I forgot how much it meant to me when you smiled.<br /><br /><br />I don't know how I forgot...McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-16550338809589671412011-03-15T16:41:00.000-07:002011-03-15T17:27:53.375-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">'Eos'</span></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br />The feeling could not be released,<br />a tearing, pulling that never ceased.<br />and inside lay a captive scream,<br />closing her eyes, she dares to dream<br />of summer nights and days gone by;<br />carefree, happy, joyful and high,<br />on life that has now escaped her grasp,<br />like a strand of hair slips from a clasp.<br /><br />Tumbling down her shoulders, those vines,<br />those locks of beauty set in lines,<br />hold the embers of that summer day,<br />that now feels so very far away.<br />They fade with every tug and pat,<br />leaving the canvas dull and flat.<br />Her beauty that was meant to be,<br />has been stolen by the sea.<br /><br />Those eyes that should be gazed upon,<br />so warm and sparkling like a fawn,<br />have lost that flare, that warmth, that good,<br />and now lay empty, hard like wood.<br />No batting of those woeful eyes,<br />would make one see or realise,<br /><div style="text-align: center;">that what was buring, that flame so bright,<br /></div>has faded deep into the night.<br /><br /></div>McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-73838621740161935032011-03-08T11:15:00.000-08:002011-03-08T11:32:37.298-08:00Orange is the happiest colour<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx7GmaFwYTEyYjLDmdwi17WjCw2RFYjTMxA-zXcnJMYYxsFNnf5z8_mNTwWwwYJPVRU981aw6drYU2FEQxSo4j-N5RF87etoBoNXMqj6QBaNO855V1BkK5uOfAIhHV0zbBIVKfwIH1FiU/s1600/P1030102.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 315px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx7GmaFwYTEyYjLDmdwi17WjCw2RFYjTMxA-zXcnJMYYxsFNnf5z8_mNTwWwwYJPVRU981aw6drYU2FEQxSo4j-N5RF87etoBoNXMqj6QBaNO855V1BkK5uOfAIhHV0zbBIVKfwIH1FiU/s200/P1030102.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5581794075096663282" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >"When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out...because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside."<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:130%;">- </span>Wayne Dyer</span></div>McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-69556801518955930392011-03-07T12:07:00.000-08:002011-03-07T12:28:40.022-08:00A revelation?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliNimfHAlRwPB3_z2RjRIl2D6apgCMbo3HQYZj1QuMWLC1VTwvEEtWWyyM88PxG8i_SF46dOWJPucMKVpiZ55JxyQ2qE_q3KOX98c29sMY8mnUhyphenhyphen1AFAsHUT38Fd0P93O1hwlkNYJvZk/s1600/Truth+in+writing.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 630px; height: 800px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliNimfHAlRwPB3_z2RjRIl2D6apgCMbo3HQYZj1QuMWLC1VTwvEEtWWyyM88PxG8i_SF46dOWJPucMKVpiZ55JxyQ2qE_q3KOX98c29sMY8mnUhyphenhyphen1AFAsHUT38Fd0P93O1hwlkNYJvZk/s1600/Truth+in+writing.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Where is there dignity, unless there is honesty?"</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">Cicero</span><br /><br /><br />Existing in a state of disbelief, <br />Ignoring the truths that lie before us,<br />we chose to live in a way we think is best,<br />and fill our minds with dreams of ourselves.<br />We are selfish by nature,<br />a trait we condone,<br /><br />but do not admit to.<br /><br />We fly by our own wings, yes,<br />but we are taught how to fly.<br />We credit ourselves for the heights that we soar,<br />yet if we fall, we are the first to turn to our teacher.<br /><br />Our happiness will only come through the departure of our selfishness,<br />the disappearance of our vanity,<br />and faith and pride in others.<br /><br /><br />Only then will we realise how much we have grown.<br /><br /><br />Only then will it be possible to be completely content.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-53428384280076570302011-02-19T17:15:00.000-08:002011-02-19T17:27:58.709-08:00Pot Black<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://wallpaperswide.com/thumbs/pool_table_balls-t2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 350px;" src="http://wallpaperswide.com/thumbs/pool_table_balls-t2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Pool.<br />Thats the aim of the game.<br /><br />but if you get there before you're supposed to<br />...then what happens?<br /><br />You don't get to play out the rest of the game.<br />Its game over.<br /><br /><br />For everyone.<br /><br />You could play the game out,<br />but you, and your compnent will know that its all for nothing.<br />No one is really going to win.<br />Not in the true sense.<br />Potting all those balls and losing anyway.<br />It seems unfair,<br />yet why not play on?<br />You might get some amazing shots<br />and by the end of the game that little black ball...<br />...and the rest of them will have been completely forgotten about<br />...there is a new prize.<br /><br />The goals can shift.<br /><br />I think we should play the game out.<br />I think we should find joy in playing<br />and forget about who wins or loses<br />because we will be playing together.<br /><br />But it seems that I suck at pool<br />I can't play the game<br />and I can't decide if you've quit...<br />...or you're still playing.<br /><br /><br />Maybe we should take a walk.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-19661002064151415372011-01-30T07:05:00.000-08:002011-01-30T07:24:20.096-08:00Less Human. More Being.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/5a/0e/8c/north-uist.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 550px; height: 364px;" src="http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/5a/0e/8c/north-uist.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><br />I want to feel the wind in my hair,<br />the cold air,<br />stealing the feeling from my fingers,<br />pinching at my nose,<br />stinging my eyes.<br /><br />I want to stand in the silence of nowhere,<br />and look at the endless nothingness,<br />and run to the horizon,<br />only to find the great expanse of nothingness continuing,<br />into the distance<br />and beyond.<br /><br />I want to hear the rustling of the grass,<br />the whistling of the wind,<br />the cracking of twigs,<br />under the feet of the millions of living creatures,<br />who I cannot see,<br />but who I know are there.<br /><br />I want to know that if I cry out,<br />no one will hear me.<br />The wind will steal my words<br />and no one will see me smiling to myself.<br /><br /><br />Just me.<br /><br />Just there.<br /><br /><br /><br />I want to BE. Nothing more.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-27913335123825867862011-01-20T17:50:00.000-08:002011-01-20T18:06:01.815-08:00The moonlight<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.danheller.com/images/California/Marin/Nite/nite-tree-shadows-2-big.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 550px; height: 422px;" src="http://www.danheller.com/images/California/Marin/Nite/nite-tree-shadows-2-big.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />The moonlight is casting shadows,<br />Long and dark, they stretch across the cobbles<br />scraping at my legs as I run along.<br />They grasp at my heels as I kick up the grit,<br />and lean out infront of me like obstacles on a shooting range.<br /><br />No matter how fast I run<br />or how much I focus on those patches of light,<br />those shadows catch up with me<br />and try to pull me back.<br /><br />I fight the urge to run home<br />to run back to what I know, what I am.<br />I'm trying, so hard, to stay away from it all<br />to keep out of the shadows<br />..to stay in the light.<br /><br />But if you are in the shadows,<br />watching...<br />waiting...<br />...for me to stumble,<br />to turn my head,<br />to look in you direction,<br />then wait you can.<br /><br />As I will keep on running,<br />into the light,<br />until the sun rises, and your shadows vanish,<br />and you leave me in my meadow of joy.<br /><br />If you want, follow me into the sunshine,<br />but don't hide in the depths,<br />I will not seek you out,<br />I will turn my head and keep on walking,<br />no matter how much it hurts.<br /><br />Come into the sunshine.<br /><br />Together we can dance.<br /><br />we can talk...<br /><br /><br />...we can be.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-31779703761807335642011-01-08T17:02:00.001-08:002011-01-16T15:55:44.750-08:00We all need some 'sole'<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://nwamotherlode.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/dirty-feet.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 399px; height: 301px;" src="http://nwamotherlode.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/dirty-feet.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />How often do we notice the bottom of our feet?<br /><br />We walk upon them every day<br />they carry us to our destination,<br />keep us going through bad weather,<br />ground us in moments of insanity.<br /><br />We don't notice how dirty our feet get,<br />however we don't notice when they are clean either.<br />But we realise when they have to walk through crap.<br /><br />I could never tell you what the bottom of my feet look like<br />because I never look,<br />but I know that without my soles....<br /><br /><br />I would be nowhere.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-51047804615095828592011-01-07T13:03:00.000-08:002011-01-07T13:12:55.830-08:00Eat MeLust...its one of those things you can't avoid.<br />It's not love<br />love is something more, something different..<br />I think...<br />I don't know what love is<br /><br />...not really.<br /><br />Lust however...<br />thats another thing.<br />and its worse, worse than love<br />I guess its sometimes the same as unrequited love<br />the worst love of them all.<br /><br />I always imagine my lust will turn into love<br />but it worries me that then it will just be...<br />...unrequited love.<br />I'll end up wanting you so much, that I'll feel like I need you<br />and then I'll think that I'm in love with you...<br />but for you, it will just be lust<br />and that feeling will pass, like a flurry of snow.<br />and its beautiful while it lasts, <br />but then it melts, and you're left with the dirty remains,<br />in small piles,<br />across the vast space in your mind,<br /><br />...and it refuses to go away.<br /><br />I am a thinker, I will not deny it.<br />and I think about you SO much...<br />and maybe, just maybe you think about me in the same way<br /><br />But can we keep it up for 5 months?<br /><br /><br /><br />I hope so.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-11606662484039196682010-12-21T14:19:00.002-08:002011-01-20T18:09:07.259-08:00Beautiful Chaos<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMtWY6ttJ4N6qo-2fHGSmWGdlD4pSM1oYIVo5b2eNMZFpLgtpXAfWFRfN5Ja83DPtb1SOK9iaDPT0T5J2oCuO7KWd0007PjM-21ZU1tqLvStuZj6mzCk7CDdfRAvMzhQleCbOwhaHcPUw/s1600/P1050847.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMtWY6ttJ4N6qo-2fHGSmWGdlD4pSM1oYIVo5b2eNMZFpLgtpXAfWFRfN5Ja83DPtb1SOK9iaDPT0T5J2oCuO7KWd0007PjM-21ZU1tqLvStuZj6mzCk7CDdfRAvMzhQleCbOwhaHcPUw/s200/P1050847.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5562440380715135458" /></a><br />Its pureness is something that cannot be denied.<br />and its brightness can bring light to a darkened landscape.<br />and the silence...<br />The silence is beautiful.<br /><br />Its presence muffles every sound and movement,<br />and no matter how alone you are,<br />it gives you a strange sense of comfort and safety<br />because in it, everyone is on the same level.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-19128252662424818402010-11-05T17:02:00.000-07:002010-11-05T17:14:47.084-07:00Notebook meIt gets me everytime,<br />the beauty of the relationship,<br />the happiness,<br />the true love and compassion<br /><br />....and the fact that she forgets.<br /><br />The reassuring fact that love will find us all, that we will one day be reunited with that long lost love, that person. 'The One'. The fact is torn from us. We forget, one day , we will forget it all, like it never happened, it never existed. And we have to go through our lives, every so often being reminded of this fact, the fact that, yes...it will all be for nothing. One day everything we have done will cease to exist. That day, the day we forget, is the end.....of everything.<br /><br />It makes me think of my family, my grandparents. If I could go back in time, I would show them that it wasn't for nothing and, whatever happened, they ended up together. I want them to see me and smile, and know it all happened for a reason.<br /><br />When I am old, and I forget, I want someone to remind me. Not anyone, I want 'that someone' to sit beside me and hold my hand, and make me remember, and smile, and laugh. Because then I will know it was worth it, and I can look back with no regret. <br /><br />I want to feel the happiness well up inside me, I want to do something worthwhile, I want to be remembered....and be worth remembering.<br /><br /><br />It kind of puts it all in perspective doesn't it?McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-66279174457142850862010-11-03T14:18:00.000-07:002010-11-03T15:24:29.928-07:00You have: One New message.I love hearing from you<br />it makes my day<br />only a few sentences exchanged<br />a few smiles at a keyboard as I reply<br />nothing more.<br /><br />Are you smiling as you type?<br />laughing at my stressy replies<br />my funny outlooks...<br />or are you just replying<br />not paying attention<br />Im a non-event in your day.<br /><br />I don't know.<br /><br />I care, I want to know more,<br />I want you to tell me all about you.<br /><br />I think Im too open...<br />maybe its off-putting, maybe its too much.<br />Why keep things from people you trust<br />from people you want to become fixtures in your life?<br /><br />I want you to become a fixture,<br />a constant,<br />a rock.<br /><br />Don't be a stranger,<br />ever.<br /><br />Maybe in our busy lives we can find time to talk again.<br />I look forward to it.<br />And I will smile when it does.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-49985623575404378492010-10-26T14:29:00.000-07:002010-10-26T14:45:33.954-07:00Love/HateYou pull me in, with your <span style="font-weight:bold;">routine</span><br />your <span style="font-weight:bold;">familiarity.</span><br />You make me feel<span style="font-weight:bold;"> proud</span>, like an achiever,<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Strong</span>, like a rock<br />You <span style="font-weight:bold;">challenge</span> me, everytime.<br /><br />But you push me<br />to the edge<br />...you're pushing me over the edge<br />and I'm slipping,<br />I'm watching the ground I stand upon fall from beneath my feet<br />I can see it hurtling down and breaking into 1000 pecies on the ground below<br />The ground that I so dearly love.<br /><br />You <span style="font-style:italic;">hinder</span> my enjoyment<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Halt</span> parts of my life<br />and <span style="font-style:italic;">remove</span> shards of happiness from my heart.<br /><br />You <span style="font-style:italic;">steal<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> my time,<br />you take it and toy with it, like a cat to a mouse.<br />you <span style="font-style:italic;">torture</span> me with your eternal darkness,<br />your<span style="font-style:italic;"> angry</span> conditions,<br />your <span style="font-style:italic;">chill</span>,<br /><br />so cold.<br /><br />You make me feel like a broken toy<br />looking intact,<br />but the cogs aren't turning properly anymore,<br />with the happy face painted on,<br />and the beauty etched in the hard, cold plastic.<br /><br />Functioning, but not actually being.<br /><br />I <span style="font-weight:bold;">hate</span> you so much.<br />But I can't help but <span style="font-weight:bold;">love</span> you.<br />I am <span style="font-weight:bold;">addicted.</span><br /><br />I read somewhere:<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">'Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you'<span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span><br /><br /><br />...really?McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-23676472809636778932010-10-24T15:41:00.000-07:002010-10-24T15:49:44.065-07:0040 winks<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.sleep-aid-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/nap2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 206px;" src="http://www.sleep-aid-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/nap2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />We sleep...<br />everyday<br /><br />we sleep...<br />to escape our lives,<br /><br />to regenerate,<br /><br />to dream.<br /><br />to imagine the unimagineable,<br /><br />to return to that place...that moment.<br /><br /><br />Today I slept.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-58064035815423960712010-10-16T14:41:00.000-07:002010-10-24T15:41:09.171-07:00The Centre Line<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ42rSrtdDtcYpCBQwdVif0GJlS344bfH_NROdNnKl6y4woby_sHIOpSzC74TznSo5Ig5kyAC4jFitvRlKeAzsM5qQEJ5QMsYnxHoHVInOxDl9AciKj12ys7pXMrbkiu3rjy7CLwnXVkk/s1600/P1010387.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ42rSrtdDtcYpCBQwdVif0GJlS344bfH_NROdNnKl6y4woby_sHIOpSzC74TznSo5Ig5kyAC4jFitvRlKeAzsM5qQEJ5QMsYnxHoHVInOxDl9AciKj12ys7pXMrbkiu3rjy7CLwnXVkk/s200/P1010387.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5531746291935749426" /></a><br /><br />Theres something liberating about walking down the middle of a road<br /><br />Houses on either side<br /><br />Nothing in front, nothing behind<br /><br /><br />Just you, and the road.<br /><br />Theres a feeling of safety,<br />but complete vulnerability<br /><br />And you don't realise it,<br />but there could be eyes, watching you from windows up high<br />from hidden places, places we do not realise even exist.<br /><br />Maybe on day we will discover them.<br /><br /><br />So I walk, with my head held high,<br />and with quiet sureness of myself.<br />Hoping that maybe someone will notice.<br /><br />But I am content, walking alone.<br />I know where I am going,<br />and I do not forget where I have been.<br /><br />I like this road, with its cobbles<br />its ups and downs,<br />its twists and turns,<br /><br />and its my road, I have it all to myself.<br /><br />Come and walk with me, for a while<br />we can talk, we can laugh....<br /><br /><br />Maybe we have the same destination.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-78971879827482285282010-05-29T16:00:00.000-07:002010-05-29T16:13:03.583-07:00An apology you will never hear<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www1.sulekha.com/mstore/sagribow/albums/default/girl-and-rain-dark-1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 706px;" src="http://www1.sulekha.com/mstore/sagribow/albums/default/girl-and-rain-dark-1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />When everything else is gone<br />when everyone has left<br />when theres nothing to do<br />I thought I'd be happy, in a way, I'd feel free.<br /><br />but Ive been left with a heavy heart<br />and something on my conscience<br />and Im trying to be positive<br />and im trying to get on with things<br />but I can't<br /><br />Theres so much I want to say to you<br />but I can hardly look at you<br />and its not in anger<br />nor is it with hurt<br />it is with pure shame<br /><br />Everytime I see you, I hate myself<br />I hate what I did...<br />or what I couldn't find the courage to do<br />and if I could change things I honestly would.<br /><br />I want you to read this<br />and i want to tell you why<br />but you wont, and I cant...<br />but I have to...and I will try.<br /><br />I know there is so much you want to say to me<br />and I know I do not want to hear it<br />...because I know it will all be true<br />...and it will be the actions of a person I am growing to hate<br /><br />This cloud over my head will not go away<br />I dread the rain, I dread the thunder and the lightning,<br />but maybe once the storm is over there will be sunshine.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />....Im really afraid of the storm.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-54262407426156242452010-05-25T14:46:00.000-07:002010-05-25T15:27:58.430-07:00Reasons?Is there a reason why we do this?<br />is there some...some...<span style="font-style: italic;">thing</span> some object that we desire?<br />is there someone that we need to impress? <br />someone that we need to prove something to?<br /><br />I do not know<br /><br />All I know is that there is something, in my heart and in my mind that wills me, that pushes me, even when I cannot breathe, when I cannot see, when the sweat runs down my forehead and into my eyes and my hands burn like fire.<br />All I know is that there is something, and that thing, that feeling, will never leave me as long as I live and as long as I remember. <br /><br /><br />That feeling keeps me sane, keeps me going...it keeps me alive.<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwWdhfxDLRz1Zhn1s_H-C1tSARkfkbDJaLf18BbfyWKdW4OFr6ItYOrlBChIiUbkXL6ChncBtDk52xlhIUgPg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-74231045250690982252010-05-18T15:28:00.000-07:002010-05-18T15:39:48.061-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/sunny-day-kristen-hurley.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 600px; height: 450px;" src="http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/sunny-day-kristen-hurley.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />Far away, there in the sunshine<br />are my highest aspirations.<br /><br />I may not reach them<br />but I can look up, see their beauty<br />and believe.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-87730171335714141812010-05-16T10:59:00.000-07:002010-05-16T11:16:08.244-07:00SkippingYou know that moment, where your heart ACTUALLY skips a beat,<br />and you don't know whether you want to laugh, or cry,<br />and you have this stupid smile on your face?<br />I just had that.<br /><br />And its crazy, because I don't know if I want what just happened...to have happened<br />I think I'd rather have buried my head in the sand<br />and got on with life, oblivious.<br /><br />Maybe its not a smile on my face, maybe its a pained expression<br />I don't know whether I'm happy or angry<br />whether I want to cry or not.<br /><br />No, I don't want to cry, I'm so over that<br />I want to laugh<br />I'm laughing, its so stupid...<br /><br />its so...unexpected.<br /><br />I just had that moment, where my heart ACTUALLY skipped a beat.<br />I don't like it.<br /><br />I need to focus, I need to study, I need...I need you to stop playing with my heart.<br /><br /><br /><br />Leave my heart alone.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-67308084579831528642010-05-15T11:00:00.000-07:002010-05-15T11:05:55.195-07:00When theres nothing left to say....talk about the weather.The sun shines through my window, just before it sinks below the rooftops.<br />The air is fresh and the breeze is cool.<br />A storm has just passed.<br />Widespread flooding had resulted.<br /><br />Life has returned to normal, the storm blew over.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I guess it wasn't really that big a storm.<br /><br /><br /><br />Not even the weatherman knows what tomorrow will bring,<br />all I know is...the weather looks good.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-4080636782711138922010-05-14T15:49:00.000-07:002010-05-14T16:22:44.226-07:00Maybe I was looking in the wrong place and never saw you...but you were there all along...and now its too late.Everytime I see him, it hurts, just a little bit.<br /><br />And everytime I see him look at her, it hurts even more.<br /><br />And then I look beside me, and I see no one there, and it breaks my heart...<br /><br />Just a little bit.<br /><br /><br /><br />Tell me, tell me Im worth something, so I can smile, and laugh, and pretend it means nothing to me.<br /><br />And then I'll stop hurting, just a little bit.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4118623008272801112.post-2480730265929495032010-05-13T13:17:00.000-07:002010-05-13T13:35:26.348-07:00Bring your shoes and we'll go walkingIf we could change anything, there would be so much.<br />We would take back so many things, we would do things differently, we would take those leaps of faith, we should have trusted our instinct, we should have listned.<br /><br />But we wouldn't change anything.<br /><br />The choices we made, all of the mistakes, all of the failures, the arguments, the disappointments, have made us who we are.<br />They make us who we will become.<br />They make us better people.<br />And though we may feel small, worthless, unloved...we know, somewhere, someone is looking for us. <br />When we make biggest mistake of our lives, it may turn out to be the best mistake. The mistake that leads us into their arms. <br />That blunder that changes everything.<br />We may not realise it at the time, but that fatal error will be the best thing we could ever do.<br /><br />Don't lose hope, I am here for you, I am behind you.<br />Keep walking, keep fighting, and one day you will make that step that changes everything.<br /><br />And I will be here to smile with you.McNicol123http://www.blogger.com/profile/05494628840701123995noreply@blogger.com0